~ Matthew Healy
insiders; DOWNSTAIRS: David Caedmon // 29
-that hat isn’t really his style, but the rest is totally him when he’s out boarding-
-it’s not perfect, BUT, it is really close. Rachael and Sydney are not only twins, but (even at 28), their bedrooms aren’t entirely separated. they almost share one in all technicalities. but, sitting with coffee and tea is a common thing to see them each do to decompress or start the day. it’s quite dear of them-
insiders: Rachael Avery and Sydney Rebekah // 28
-this doesn’t look exactly like their bed specifically, but Charlie and Katie are the only kiddos inside who have a bunkbed. it’s SO funny because, we always had an internal world - BUT there were a lot of loose ends and no one *intentionally* made things special or really tailored any rooms or areas to what parts *wanted*. while I was first inpatient, I asked everyone to contribute ideas of what they wanted inside to include - uncensored, unfiltered, and spontaneously. one of the FIRST things to come out of my hand to the paper was “BUNKBEDS!!!”. it took me like..an entire week to figure out who had so excitedly wanted this idea (they’d had a moment of reluctance of “i don’t deserve to have something I really want”) — but lo and behold — it was Charlie and Katie. so, even though this doesn’t really match theirs, it still prompts a sweet memory. i adore their relationship and how they COULD have had their own rooms; and, they COULD have had their own bed within that room. …but they wanted to be together. theirs has a slide on the back for Charlie (who, like most of my kids is MUCH smaller than your standard 5yo) to get down. it’s not quite glass, but it’s a like a frosted-glass kind of posts. it refracts the light in the most exquisite way and is the one fairytale/princess-like aspect of their room. it’s really special and actually *really* beautiful - even though it’s quite hard to describe. Katie’s got lavender covers with some deeper purples (they change, but those elements are always consistent). And Charlie’s are always pink (varying shades). Katie stays on the bottom bunk bc she’s too prone to panic and trouble at night - but also bc her two babie golden retriever pups need to be able to hop up with her. :) this is also somewhat special to ME bc, I used to alllways start my rounds for tuck-ins at night in their room. when i’d get to their room, all the other kiddos in the next rooms knew to huddle in their beds. :) it’s a sweet memory and one we need to make happen again ASAP-
-the image of *these* clouds is almost exactly what we see out most of our windows inside. the sun, the texture, that perfect puffiness. this is our Home. this is truly where we live.-
~ David Foster Wallace
insiders: Katie Janessa // 6
-awww, this is such a cute Katie picture. I miss tucking them in every night-
-i feel like this NEEDS to be incorporated in one of our back doors or gates to gardens. i mean, not only is that a very substantial keyhole; but the emblem looks so much like a butterfly without actually BEING one (which would make it tacky). it’s so very pretty. and heavy. durable; safe. it’s decided. we need it-
-anytime you see this hair inside, you know it’s either Addie or Sarah ;) they’re both incredibly tiny, but thankfully it’s easy to tell a 17yo from a 12yo from behind ;) prettie girls-
We all had nightmares. Different ones, but this morning every single alter in our system has said that they had a nightmare.
Is this normal? Is there a reason? Or is it just a coincidence?
It’s left us shaken so thoughts are appreciated.
This is definitely possible and not uncommon - especially in moderately ‘smaller’ systems. If there is something particularly distressing or lingering in my/our subconscious, mannyyyy of us will have nightmares or night terrors in the same night. There are 33 of us though and that’s a little too high a number for all of us to be affected (esp given that some are experts of staying out of the way of others’ thoughts/feelings). But, even though you’re separate, you’re still connected to a lot of the same sub- and unconscious thought processes. If there is a strong undercurrent of a difficult emotion that’s a thread through you all, it’s not at all uncommon for that to be ‘worked out’ in a dream/nightmare. Similarly, if there’s memory content loosely floating around in your mind, even if that memory is typically “held” by another alter, in sleep, (which can sometimes be looked at as the ultimate dissociative/ungrounded state you can be in) sometimes all/many parts can be heavily affected by it. And, thus, it will show up in your dreams. BUT. You’re all tempered differently. If five friends were to watch a terrifying movie and they all had nightmares in response to it, they’re all going to have a different dream. …their individual thoughts are going to ‘work that material out’ in their dreams differently from one person to the next. This would likely explain why you didn’t all have the same nightmare. Maybe, if you’re familiar with any containment exercises, you can try to contain any loose memories or emotions that you’re wrestling with, before you all go to sleep, to attempt to avoid this again. Or just any conscious thought you can put toward your thoughts/mind for you ALL to ‘put away’ distressing thoughts and feelings - it could help this from happening again.
BUT. All that being said, you may still want to check inside heavily, uncensored and unfiltered, to be sure that no part is consciously or accidentally sending these nightmares to you all as a means to communicate something. That message could literally be ANYTHING. But, even if all parts think they’re not responsible, it may not be a conscious desire. The slightest amount of “will” toward another part or desire for others inside to “understand” what one is going through can cause this, too. Maybe give that a shot and see if anything comes up. There’s no need for blame or upset if it turns up relevant. …even if it was intentional. All that’s needed is better communication and discussion amongst everyone inside, and an agreement to not communicate these things *except* during wakeful hours.
Good luck!! <33
This just means a great deal to us. A simple message means a LOT. There really isn’t anything anyone can honestly do or so to make things change; they’ll still remain difficult and scary. But compassion and sweet messages like this do certainly make the load easier to bear. Annnnd….I’ve got my sweetheart keeping me company this week which makes things less lonely and frightening. …even if she’s been asleep most of the time :P
I’ve answered this right here :):)